


To You, A Lifetime Ago

by kuwthetodorokis



Category: One Direction (Band), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, During Canon, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Garrison - Freeform, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Military Police, No Spoilers, References to Drugs, Slow Burn, or the story in which larry are essentially achilles and patroclus, or the story in which larry fall in love despite one being from the scouts and the other being an mp, survey corps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29746758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuwthetodorokis/pseuds/kuwthetodorokis
Summary: - set during seasons 1, 2, and 3, NO MANGA SPOILERS -Louis Thälmann (Tomlinson) only has one desire: to climb the steps of the Survey Corps and help Erwin Smith avenge humanity. Motivated from the beginning to liberate the people of the walls, and still traumatised by the fall of Wall Maria 5 years prior, Louis becomes the squad leader of one of the three Special Ops squads, right alongside Hange Zöe and Levi Ackerman. However, when an undercover Military Police officer, Harry Stark (Styles) is assigned to his squad in order to investigate the titan shifters hidden amongst the 104th cadets, Louis is forced to work alongside someone he once considered the enemy.Amid battles, betrayal, and a very telling investigation of the village of one Connie Springer, Louis and Harry will have to put aside their differences and learn to be friends. Or even something more?But nothing is as it seems, and with the crown on Harry's tail trying to cut short his discoveries, and the looming titan threat, these two star-crossed lovers might find their end where it all began: the walled district of Shiganshina.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart, Nanaba/Hange Zoë, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover, Sasha Blouse/Niccolo
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue -  In The Eyes of the Beast

edit by @UNDEADsmoak on Twitter

_Song recommendation:_ Experience _by Ludovico Einaudi_

[ _Playlist link_ ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5cvBXrIqYv33otnDX6mvOq?si=hHhgm2AWQCezRdhz0ohS4A)

Green stretched as far as the eye could see. Sometimes he would spot a break in the mist. A hint of the blue sky above them, a flock of swans soaring far above his head, the undulating strands of a horse’s tail, a corpse, crushed under a crag. Faces he once recognised now were twisted, forever frozen in the panic of their last moments _._ His lungs struggled for air but all he could take in was the dense smoke that enveloped him. That enveloped _them_. It forced itself down his throat and coated his mouth. Thick. Oily. Insidious. The smoke of death. 

His ears made up for what he couldn’t see. War cries intermingled with the gurgling whimpers of dying soldiers. A blast next to him informed him that at least two more of his comrades had fallen. How many more? 

_All of them,_ Harry knew. Erwin’s battle screams had gone silent long ago. This was it. 

Through a break in the green cloud, Harry spotted it. Towering over the treeline. It was so impossibly big, its lips curled into a cruel smile. Its features lost in a field of brown matted fur. Harry couldn’t help but spot the humanity in its beady yellow eyes. It almost made him fond of it. Now that the only certainty for him was death, it was as if everything became simpler. 

Harry knew very little about titans. Science, anatomy, all the complicated things Arthur had tried to teach him about in their cramped little bunk in the Cadet Corps. All the ramblings he had overheard Hange pour on poor Moblit. None of that had ever meant much to him. It almost made his job harder to _know_ about them. They kill you, you kill them. That’s all he ever needed to think about. _Wanted_ to think about.

But one thing he’d been forced to learn - they were human. Underneath those fleshy, awkward bodies was a person. Like he was. Like Louis had been. 

He wondered what the person behind the Beast looked like. Were they a man? A woman? Did they have a family? Friends? Had they ever been in love? Could they have ever experienced what himself and Louis had felt? 

Harry almost chuckled to himself, imagining the tirade of expletives Louis would have sent his way had he been able to read his thoughts right then. Louis had always hated any semblance of frivolous sentimentality, and no one could read people like Louis could. Just a glimpse at Harry’s face and he knew. Always had the right words, always found a solution for every problem. 

But Louis wasn’t there anymore. Harry would never lose himself in the blue of his eyes again. Would never bask in the melody of his voice. And right there, surrounded by his companions in arms, shadowed by the weight of their trust, their dedication, their sacrifice; Harry felt so very lonely. 

A piece of shrapnel zoomed past his face and sliced the top of his cheek, ripping Harry away from his thoughts. He raised a tentative hand up to his face and pressed it against the already oozing gash. His face was wet. _Had he been crying?_

The Beast titan turned around and grabbed another boulder. Harry finally had the courage to look around and try to see how many of his fellow recruits were still standing. 

The dense smoke barely allowed him to see a metre ahead of him, but it was enough. Three more soldiers got cut down before he could even process the scene. His eyes locked with Marlowe’s. _Marlowe._ His companion of many a restless night, bothersome in his tidiness, his roommate, his _friend._ He wondered if he was thinking of Hitch, as he, Harry, was thinking of Louis. 

And then, mere seconds after, Marlowe was snuffed out like all the others. Like little Seppel, like Roman, like Erma and Elena, that devilish duo, inseparable even in death. _Like Louis. Like I will be soon._

He wanted to turn his horse around, to flee, to go back to his quiet life in Sina, where Arthur, and his mother, and Gerda would be waiting for him. 

He thought of the drink he’d promised his best friend. The drink Arthur would now have to gulp down on his own in some smoky capital bar. Harry knew he'd never forgive him. He remembered their days in training, always up to something, always driving Lieutenant Förstener to exasperation. He’d never see Arthur again. He’d never see his sister either. Her kind smile, her green eyes. Just like his. He imagined them brimming with tears for him. He should have said goodbye, he should have held her one last time. Apologised to their mum. He felt guilty then. Guiltier than when he had joined the Survey Corps, leaving everything behind. Guiltier than when Seppel had died in his arms, his soft half-lidded eyes betraying his youth. Guiltier than the taste of Louis’s lips on his mouth, only a memory by the time Levi had returned from the vanguard, a dark mist clouding his impenetrable eyes. 

_This was it_ , he thought once more. Whatever regrets he harboured didn’t belong to him anymore. He’d made his choice. Just like Erwin had said, meaningless as his life had been, he trusted those who survived him to make it matter. And in a second of selfishness he allowed himself to grieve for the world he was leaving behind. A world that one day someone would be proud of. 

He looked the Beast in the eyes, bracing himself for the impact of the shrapnel it held in its massive, furry hand. 

A cry, far up in the sky, reminded him that he was still there. There was still fight left in him. 

“FORWARD!” he screamed as he charged, his throat raw with effort. His last scream. 

  
_For humanity,_ he thought. _For Louis._


	2. Chapter I - What Has to be Done: Before the Arrival

edit by @UNDEADsmoak on Twitter

_Song recommendation:_ 2chijou _by Hiroyuki Sawano_

[ _Playlist link:_ ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5cvBXrIqYv33otnDX6mvOq?si=ULT_FnUaSxCY2UbOw4OFWw)

**_850, Wednesday, Trost District, South Wall Rose_ **

“Oh, so now we’re taking orders from the Military Police, are we? My answer is no. Absolutely not.”

“It’s an order Louis, the commander has spoken,” Levi said, his teeth gritted, eyes narrowed in a glare. 

“Are you listening to yourself, mate?!” Louis exclaimed, kicking the rickety wooden chair underneath him and standing up, open palms flat against the long table. His own voice, a shrill clamour, surprised him in its urgency, “You hate the fuckers more than anybody here!”

Silence settled in the small, dark room. The green wallpaper that lined the high brick walls peeled slightly at the corners, betraying the neglect of years of rushed field councils and scarce government funding. At the far right end of the office, a sole window was their only modest lightsource, casting wan rays of sunlight which reflected off the glass display on the opposite wall. Its imponent mahogany body, once polished and elegant, now stood discoloured and bloated from humidity. A thick layer of dust coated every piece of mismatched furniture. Sometimes it lifted off in the air, twirling in graceless circles only to finally fall on top of their heads or the tips of their lashes. The air, sticky and thick, carried the mildewy miasma of age and neglect.

All was still now. The atmosphere, stagnant and slow, pressed down on Louis, encapsulated him and detached him from the others. An outsider among brothers and sisters in arms. 

Louis desperately searched the faces of his colleagues for an approving smile, a nod of agreement. Any indication that he wasn’t the only sane person there. But the captains meekly avoided his gaze. Hange shuffled their papers, Dieter focused his gaze on some invisible spot behind Erwin. No one offered him the kindness of solidarity.

“You have to be kidding me…” Louis huffed and fell back on his seat, not yet resigned. The sudden movement awoke a forgotten dull ache in his bad leg, and he winced slightly as the full weight of his stout body settled on the derelict chair.

“Levi is right, Louis,” Nanaba sighed. One of her strong hands found his shoulder and squeezed it lightly, a weak attempt at quelling his ire. Louis fought the urge to shrug her off. 

“Orders are orders,” she added.

“I don’t like it either, Louis. If I could avoid any interference from the Military Police you know I would. But as it stands, the Survey Corps has a gigantic target on its back, and the name of that target is Eren Yeager,” Erwin spoke. A sense of finality in his tone told Louis he wouldn’t be getting his way that day. Despite this, Erwin’s voice had been encouraging and gentle, reassuring even. This only stirred the uncomfortable heat that boiled in Louis’s stomach. It made him want to scream in Erwin’s face; to thrust the papers in front of him into the squalid air and burst out of the cramped office and into the ruckus of the barracks outside. 

“Then give him to the Garrison. They would do a much better job keeping him safe. You know I always thought taking him in was a bad idea. Our job is dangerous as it is, we don’t need the Military Police sniffing around-”, Louis protested.

“The Garrison, Louis? Who do you think pulls the strings in the Garrison?” Hange cut him off. “You know exactly what they’d do to him. He is just a child. A _useful_ child, at that. For all we know, he is our only key to finding out the truth about the titans and how to best defeat them, and isn’t that the crux of our job?” 

Erwin locked his fingers together and placed them against his chin, his piercing blue eyes intently fixed on Louis’s. 

“I chose you because I trust you’ll handle it well,” he declared. “Just treat him as you would treat any new recruit, but keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t go poking around too much. The last thing we need is more problems with the crown.”

Louis chewed the inside of his cheek. He took a rough, calloused hand to his forehead and scratched at the thin, soft skin. His eyes darted from Erwin to Levi, and then back to Erwin.

“So essentially you’re asking me to take in a spy.”

“Yes, essentially.”

Louis shook his head, “How long?”

“Niles didn’t say. But I’d wager two months minimum.”

Louis couldn’t hold Erwin’s penetrating gaze any longer. He scoffed and looked down at his lap, at his uniform-standard white trousers, the fabric occasionally puckered and deformed where Regula had sewn it back together.

_Two months. Two fucking months, if not longer, of babysitting one of the king’s dogs._

“Will you do it?” Erwin insisted. The commander leant forward, earnest expectation curling the corners of his mouth into a tentative smile. _Just like a kid_ , Louis thought affectionately. 

“It’s not like I have much choice, do I?” He leant back on his chair, precariously balancing his weight on the back legs. He threw a careless arm over the back, and shot a half-grin at Martin, to his right. “If not me, who? Not baldy over there, that’s for sure,” he gestured towards the far left end of the table. 

“Hey! I know you aren’t talking about me, Thälmann!” Dieter protested, brow furrowed. Louis chuckled to himself. 

“Thank you, Louis. I’m counting on you,” unquestionable relief softened the thin lines years of worry and loss had traced across his commander’s young face. 

Louis sighed, the bitter taste in his mouth unrelenting. He crossed his arms over the Wings of Freedom on his chest. There was a lot of work to be done now, Louis knew. His brain worked faster than he could keep up with. He bounced his good leg up and down, fighting the urge to gnaw at his already raw fingernails, a bad habit he had passed on to his sisters. He’d have to break the news to his squad. For all he knew, Regula would rather have him drawn and quartered in the Trost public square than welcome an MP among their ranks. _A problem for later._

Erwin cleared his throat, shifting all attention back to him. “That being said,” He went on, his voice booming within the confines of the four walls of the cramped commanding office. “You will _all_ be getting new recruits soon, since despite the uh… lamentable circumstances they’ve found themselves in, the 104th Cadet Corps have graduated…”

“‘Lamentable’, you can say that twice…” Martin muttered next to Louis, his bright green eyes narrowed in a tired scowl. Martin was from Trost, and the recent attack had taken its toll on him more than most. Louis knew all too well what that felt like. 

“The files provided to you should contain all you need to know about your new recruits. I know you will handle them with care and compassion. These young men and women have withstood a great deal recently.”

Louis eyed the thick yellowed documents neatly stacked in front of him, the fire he had felt in his belly only moments earlier returned, scorching his innards and spreading inside his chest. Louis felt breathless. 

_Two recruits_ . That was two more than he felt ready for. Two more than he thought anyone should trust him with, even if temporarily. His gaze flew around the table. _Nanaba, Miche, Dieter, Levi, Erwin, Hange, Robert, Martin..._ He wondered what the others were thinking, what words would be exchanged about him when he wasn’t listening. He pushed the thought away. There was no use dwelling on that. He had a mission. A hard one. He cursed Erwin for what he’d done. Not for the responsibility he had just been given, but for the trust that had been placed on him. Hange would have made sense, Miche would have made sense. Not him. 

“And just to finish this off, as I am sure you are all itching to get back to your duties,” Erwin said, sending a ripple of low chuckles around the table, “I know we haven’t had much time to reflect and give proper dues to the tireless work you have all been doing, so I’d just like to take a moment to thank you all for your diligence. Furthermore, I believe a special thanks is in order for the Hange squad, who have managed to capture _two_ live titans. Amid all the chaos of the past few days, these are welcome and exciting news for the future of humanity. Well done, Hange.”

The soldiers clapped. Robert gave Hange a congratulatory slap on the back, a kind grin illuminating the doctor’s aged face. This caused Hange to blush profusely behind their spectacles. The group cheered even louder.

“And I would also like to congratulate Martin, not only on his one-year anniversary as a squad leader, but also for being the only Captain this year with 0 casualties in his team. I am sure we are all very thankful for your contribution to the Survey Corps’ success.”

“You can thank the Walls for that one, Erwin, ‘cuz those idiots are all suicidal maniacs,” Martin chortled, Louis following suit, his restlessness finally letting up. 

“I’ll surely consider that, Martin. Well, with all this being said, you are dismissed. Please assume we will be having a meeting again this time next week,” Erwin declared. “Levi, please stay after the meeting. I need a word.”

Levi glared at his commander and got up, avoiding touching the chair with his hands as he pushed it away. He fished a pristine handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and covered his small, dainty hand with it. Now safely protected from the grimy wooden surface, he finally put the chair back in its place. 

“Yes, commander. Though I’d rather speak somewhere that isn’t covered in filth. By the walls, this looks like a fucking pigsty.”

Erwin let out a small sigh, a hint of tenderness brightening his tired blue eyes. 

_So obvious._

Louis rushed out of the room. He wouldn’t enquire, and he wouldn’t pry either. It was better to just leave them to each other. 

“About Eren Yeager…” Louis heard Erwin say as the massive oak door shut behind him. 

Louis’s boots clacked against the worn wooden floors of the East Wing. A narrow, tall corridor stretched before him. He’d already lost sight of his comrades amidst the noon-time crowd. He held his new recruit documents tight against his chest, fearing the unrelenting torrent of passing soldiers would shove them to the ground.

“Well done, mate!” Martin huffed behind him, one hand clutching his own papers, the other outstretched, reaching out to him. Louis waited for him to catch up. Martin thanked him with a playful slap on the back, “Two new recruits! How are we feeling?”

Martin Bergman was short and stout, much like Louis. His round fleshy face and boyish dark curls made him look younger than his 25 years of age. If Louis were to have a best friend, then Martin would be it. Quick-witted and gregarious, he always had a quip at the tip of his tongue. Most of all, however, Louis admired his relentlessly kind heart.

There was barely any space for the two to walk shoulder to shoulder, the both of them completely engulfed by a sea of Garrison Roses and Wings of Freedom. Early afternoon in the Trost barracks was Louis’s biggest nightmare. Large crowds made him feel uncomfortable, they were too suffocating, too inescapable. _Just like the walls,_ he thought, despondent. 

Growing up he’d never been one to hang around big groups of kids, and he was thankful his mother had never forced him to go to church. _And then you went and joined the military, you blundering idiot_ , he thought. He remembered fondly the Shiganshina barracks and how quiet they had been compared to the chaotic and cacophonous rumble of the repurposed Garrison building the Survey Corps was now forced to share. 

“It’s not the recruits I’m thinking about, it’s the MP rat Erwin decided to force on me,” Louis grunted.

Martin scratched the back of his tan neck, “Yeah, not the best position to be in, I’ll give ya that one. But hey, look on the bright side: remember all those times you’ve wanted to kick your soldiers in the face? Now you can do that with one of the interior pricks.”

Louis raised a puzzled eyebrow, “I’ve never wanted to kick one of my soldiers in the face. I think that’s a ‘you’ problem, mate.”

Martin threw his hands up, “Oh! Don’t bullshit me, not even once?”

“Not once,” Louis grinned. 

“Not even when they freeze your underwear? Or sneak out at night? Or eat all the expedition rations?”

Louis looked at him with widened eyes, “Are you commanding soldiers or taking care of children?”

Martin’s shoulders fell and he stared at the ground. 

“Not even sure myself if I’m honest…”, he scrunched up his nose and covered his eyes with his hand, sighing loudly, “Ah, man. They’re such a handful. And Erwin’s giving me 6 more. A disaster,” he shook the files in his left hand.

“Placing any in your own team?”

“As many as I can, I reckon. Gotta keep the kids safe on the next excursion.”

Louis nodded and glanced at his own documents. He wondered what kind of soldiers would be joining him soon. Would they be the brave, selfless kind. Always the first to die? Would they be Military Police rejects? Those never lasted too long either. Or maybe they were the quiet type, with big dreams of heroism that would dissipate as soon as they were faced with their first titan. Louis had seen all kinds of recruits. And he’d seen all the ways they died too. 

“Oi, by the way, that Yeager kid, did you know him?”

“Why you askin’?” Louis elbowed him in the ribs.

“Ouch! Dunno, man, you’re both from Shiganshina, might have stumbled across him some time or other.”

Louis shook his head, “No, I’ve never met him. But I knew his dad. We all did. He saved the whole town from a bad outbreak when I was a kid. He was a good man…” he mused, remembering how Gretel, only 2 at the time, had been so ill his grandmother had started embroidering her shroud. If not for Grisha Yeager, she wouldn’t have lived to see her 3rd birthday. 

“Makes you think, doesn’t it? How in the world can someone turn into a titan at will? Surely there must be something weird with the family…” 

He couldn’t say. Now that he thought of it, though, he really didn’t know much about Eren Yeager. Despite him being around his youngest sister’s age, Louis couldn’t ever remember her mentioning him. He bit his bottom lip, an uncomfortable thought clouding his mind. Something about the whole situation felt wrong. He tried to wrap his mind around the fact that currently, there was a 15-year old in the Survey Corps that could turn into a titan. 

“I guess so, mate,” Louis shrugged, “I guess you can never truly know someone.”


End file.
